Hi friends! I'm coming at ya with a classic today! I'm in Charlotte, North Carolina, which is the penultimate penultimate city of tour, so I wanted to go back to my classic structure that took me through most of this year. But before we jump in, if you're tired of all the political spam, my friend Brian at Oath has figured out a really clever way to help. If you donate any amount at the link below, you'll be unsubscribed from the 17 spammiest email lists with more to come! So that way you can do good and enjoy a little peace of mind too!
Okay, now onward for a bit of:
History
Art
Musing
Relationships
As I was researching the very rich LGBTQ+ history, I came across One Voice. One Voice is a choral group here in Charlotte that has been around for 35 years, spreading song but also activism and joy.
"Among the many fine choral groups of the south, One Voice is unique as an arts organization that functions to showcase the diversity, artistry, and vibrancy of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people. We're also unique among gay-affirming organizations in Charlotte because we bring together hundreds of people—gay and straight alike—at each performance to enjoy a medium that transcends differences and inspires change.
The hallmark of One Voice's repertoire is diversity. Each year, our concerts include some of the most challenging and beautiful works in choral literature. We perform music from many cultures: Native American, Hispanic, Celtic, African, and others. We also showcase music from gay composers and commission new works to add to the growing LGBT cultural legacy.
One Voice also goes out of its way to help other LGBT organizations and support related causes. We've performed at fundraising events for groups serving LGBT youth, people of faith, and the LGBT community at large. In fact, with few LGBT choruses in North Carolina and none in South Carolina or Tennessee, One Voice and its "portable" ensemble, Sotto Voce, often travel to serve other areas.
Last week, on a birthday outing to beat the Hurricane rains, Casey and I went to Universal Studios in Florida. We went for two reasons: one - I'd never been, and two - I have a dear friend who works there who I hadn't seen since pre-COVID. This friend, Sara, was on the Wicked tour with me, and we became fast friends quite quickly. Then, as life does, it took us out of orbit with each other for years until last week. She works in Hogsmeade in the Wizarding World, and it was a highlight of the week to see her in her element.
Immersive theatre is a frontier of performance art. It's been around for years, yes, but in our experience economy, the money is in creating worlds that customers can exist inside of rather than watch from afar. And the actors who populate these worlds have my respect a thousandfold. I have a very hard time acting without the protection of a stage (probably from doing too many pop-up promo performances at our local farmers market), and so those who can are so impressive to me. Sara guides one lucky participant per 'show' to find their perfect wand after a few less-than-perfect ones. She inhabits the world with such detail and commitment that even though we're a bunch of sweaty tourists, I truly felt transported to Hogsmeade and believed I was actually watching someone pick out their new wand. Without the boundary of a stage, the connection between her and the wand recipient was so tangible and intimate that I could tell that that experience would stay with said recipient forever. So here's a toast to the incredible performers who don't just have to learn lines and blocking but truly live inside the world that they create for the enjoyment of thousands.
This month, I've been writing ten lines a day for an upcoming project, and as I was writing yesterday, I stumbled on a thought that I think bears some expansion. The thought was:
"A huge danger of our phones is that we've come to expect
real human interaction to be as pleasurable as our phones."
I know I've talked about doing uncomfortable things before, but I don't think I'd ever laid it out so clearly to myself before. We as a society are so comfortable being alone now. It's not super healthy (at all), but it is what's comfortable. We can lie around and do nothing, scroll, watch endless content or series, and then go to bed and do it again. It's easy, and it's junk food. And so when we interact with people, we subconsciously compare that interaction to what we could be doing instead (being comfy alone). This is such a tricky trap to fall into because, yes, when we are with other people, we have to do things we might not want to or have awkward moments that we wouldn't have alone, but that's the point of being alive. We need connection on a deeply biological level, even if connection doesn't always feel as chemically 'good' as other things. Friendships raise oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin levels, but friends are not technologically optimized to hit those receptors like so many things in our world are. So just remember, next time you're deciding what to do, that if we lived in an entirely frictionless world, we would all be bland dopamine zombies, and nobody wants that.
Dear gb: I am interested in being in an open relationship, and logically, it works out for me. But as soon as I catch feelings for someone, the idea of them having sex with someone else makes me nauseous. How do you recommend I move past this and discuss it with future partners without sounding like I'm a control freak or not really open to the open relationship thing?
Dear friend, open relationships take a lot of work. There's no one way or right way to do them, and they take a lot of time to figure out both with yourself and with your partner. So, as always, I say start with a deep breath and a bit of grace for yourself. You start your question by saying you're interested in being open and end it by saying you don't want to seem not open to being open. If you're really interested in it, then I don't think your partner will assume otherwise, but let them know that it might take some time for you to be comfortable with it. There's a huge difference between being interested in openness and practicing it, and it will take time and it will take a few mistakes here and there. And if you're as thoughtful with your communication as you were writing this question, then I don't think your partner will misconstrue your hangups as controlling.
Most everything we're told about relationships stems from a monogamous approach, and we're taught that sex is the ultimate representation of love. So it is natural that you're going to feel a strong response when you think about someone you love having sex with someone else: it's what we're taught! But it doesn't have to be that way if you don't want it to. The nausea you're experiencing is probably caused by some underlying emotions, as our stomachs are very in sync with our brains. My guess is that the emotions are rooted in fear or jealousy. It's common when starting the openness journey to think your partner might leave you simply because they're with another person. Or it might bring up inadequacies that you feel about yourself. Those are all normal, and instead of seeing those as things to run from, use those bad emotions to talk to your partner, and then you can actually overcome them instead of being ruled by them. The path to opening up your relationship makes you confront a ton of messy things about yourself, but I think that the opportunities for growth that that messiness allows for is the true gift of exploring an open relationship.
That’s all from me this week! I hope you do something political and do something for yourself!