A Cowboy Hat Blowin' in the Wind(y City)

And how to find your body positivity.

Hello from the Windy City all! We just had our first day off since 2023, and boy, was it lovely to explore Chicago for a day. Now we're back to our regularly scheduled programming, shows, writing, and trying to get back into the swing of things. It also feels like it's been a minute since we've had a classic edition, but without further ado, let's dive into a new nonprofit (did you miss 'em?) with a sprinkle of history, Beyonce's new music, a book that's very dear to my heart, and a bit of body positivity.

This week's nonprofit is much bigger than some others have been, but I want to highlight the incredible work they're doing because it's impacted me directly during my time in Chicago. Sexual health and getting tested as regularly as possible is very important to me (and should be to everyone). However, this has become complicated while I travel around the country with insurance that only really works in New York state. Many LGBTQ+ nonprofits around the country exist to specifically help LGBTQ+ folks navigate the medical landscape, but they can still be hard to access, especially without a car. But I knew that Chicago would be much more accessible, so last Tuesday, I went into Howard Brown to get my routine testing and god, it felt good to be in a medical space specifically catering to LGBTQ folk. 

The process was seamless, easy, and friendly, and as with most LGBTQ-centric medical spaces I've been to, there was no stigma or shame surrounding any aspect of my visit. (There shouldn't be anyways since taking control of your sexual health is responsible and empowering.) And while I only used one aspect of their services, they have tons. 

Howard Brown Health was founded in 1974 (more on that later) and is now one of the nation's largest lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ+) organizations. Howard Brown serves men, women, trans and gender non-conforming folks, infants, youth, and children through eight sites around Chicago. The agency serves more than 40,000 people through its diverse health and social service delivery system focused on seven major programmatic divisions:

• Primary Medical Care

• Behavioral Health

• Research

• HIV/STI Prevention

• Youth Services

• Elder Services

• Community Initiatives

Here are just some of their incredible numbers from 2021. 

Howard Brown has also been a staple in the Chicago LGBTQ+ community for decades, so I want to highlight the incredible history of Howard Brown as well as the current work that they are doing. 

Howard Brown Health is named after Howard Junior Brown, who was New York City's first Health Services Administrator. He helped change the face of medicine in New York City during the 60s. Then, in 1973, he came out publicly, which was unheard of then. He hoped to change what people thought of when they thought of a homosexual. At the time, most homosexuals were assumed to be effeminate perverts, and he wanted to show that you could be a well-established, respected member of society and be gay. 

He died of a heart attack in 1975, the year after a group of medical students from the Chicago Gay Medical Students Association founded the Howard Brown Health Center. However, it wasn't named that until 1976 in his memory. They started the health center in response to the rising rates of sexually transmitted diseases among gay men that they were observing. In the late 70s, in response to rising rates of Hepatitis B, they started to do research for the first time, trying to find a vaccine against the disease. 

In 1985, Howard Brown established Chicago's first AIDS hotline and established medical and psychosocial services for those affected by the disease. They also gained international recognition for their research and trials and went on to participate in the Multicenter AIDS Cohort Study, the longest-running HIV study in the world. For their service during the AIDS crisis, Howard Brown was inducted into the Chicago Gay and Lesbian Hall of Fame in 1991 as "the Midwest's leading provider of support services to and for people living with AIDS and HIV, and an internationally recognized center for hepatitis and AIDS/HIV research." 

In 1997, they opened their location on Sheridan Road (which I went to), which included a pharmacy that specialized in HIV/AIDS medication. In 2007, the Lesbian Community Cancer Project merged with Howard Brown Health as it became a more inclusive and all-encompassing agency. They also traveled to China to do HIV testing and outreach at brothels. They took part in the National Gay Blood Drive in 2014 in part to call on the federal government to end the ban on gay men donating blood. The following year, they began to provide free legal services to LGBTQ+ folk and, in 2019, opened the Broadway Youth Center, specifically focused on helping homeless LGBTQ youth. They're looking forward to expanding in the coming years to serve the LGBTQ+ community in Chicago further. While $5 might not seem like a huge dent in such a well-established organization, truly every dollar counts to those who use their services AND helps keep you engaged in giving back to the community! I’m having trouble with Instagram at the moment so our options are Venmo and I’ll donate directly or you can!

I read The Great Believers by Rebecca Makkai during the pandemic after finding it in an article. The article said that it was one in a trifecta of great gay novels (the other two being A Little Life and The Heart's Invisible Furies), and naturally, I couldn't not read it. It is a beautifully written portrait of friendship, motherhood, and the long-lasting devastation of the AIDS crisis. 

It braids two narratives together, one in 1985 Chicago (hence why it's this week's pick) and the other in 2015 Paris. In 1985, Yale Tishman tracks down an enigmatic art collector in hopes of securing an extraordinary collection of paintings while the AIDS epidemic swirls around him. As his circle grows smaller and smaller, soon, the only person he has left is Fiona, his best friend's little sister. Thirty years later, Fiona is in Paris, tracking down her estranged daughter, which forces her to confront the devastating ways that the AIDS crisis affected her life. 

The novel is beautifully written and has received countless accolades, including being a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize in 2018. And what really struck me, beyond the beauty of the book, was the afterword. Makkai acknowledges the trickiness of a woman writing so deeply about the complexities of gay life in 1985. She says that she hopes that the research, care, and detail that she put into Yale's perspective in the book makes her LGBTQ+ readers proud. In her decision to write the book, she determined it would be better for this story to be out in the world written by her than not written at all. And I greatly agree with her on this. There are countless arguments for and against who can write (act, portray, etc) what kinds of stories, and each person has their own opinions. I certainly can't explain why sometimes I'm okay with gay stories written by nongay people and other times I'm not, but in this case, I am so grateful that this story exists. So, if you're in the mood for a beautifully written tale, check it out! 

During the Superbowl last weekend, Beyonce released two songs from her upcoming album. The album is Act Two of her Renaissance and will be a country album, which I couldn't be more excited about. As far as I'm aware, the three Renaissance albums are dedicated to taking back musical genres that Black people were instrumental in creating. The first being house music, the second country, and the rumored third is rock. "Texas Hold 'Em" is a rousing, backroads party anthem that I've had on repeat for the last week. It's her "Break My Soul" of this new album. It was accompanied by "16 Carraiges," a much more stripped-down, vulnerable side, exploring her rise to fame at a young age and the responsibility it forced upon her. As someone who grew up with a strong love for country music (the town I grew up in was very much a cowboy town smack dab in Hawaii), I cannot wait for the way that she is about to put her own unique stamp on this genre. And I can't wait for all the cowboy hats and country boots that every gay will be wearing this summer. The full album will be released on March 29th, and until then, I leave you with these two incredible tracks. 

 

Dear gb: How do I combat exclusion in the community since I'm not quite a fitness model type?

Dear friend, this is a question that I'd guess every single person thinks about at some point or another. I certainly think about it all the time. For the sake of this question and answer, I'm going to stick to gay men and not the queer community as a whole since the gay male community has the worst problem with image and aesthetics. There are so many things at play within this aesthetic culture, and I think that it will help to explore a few of them. I'll also add that on my travels around the country, I have seen barely any 'six pack, fitness types,' which tells me that while they may be the most visible, their numbers are far less common than you'd think. But now, back to the causes.

I learned recently that the move toward the uber-muscled body that is so prized today was, in part, a response to AIDS. Being skinny during the 80s and 90s was seen as being sick with the virus, so men began to make sure that they had enough muscle to be seen as healthy. And this mentality and physicality became deeply ingrained in our culture. There's also the longstanding concept that gay men are more interested in sex than the majority of the population. Since our relationships began in secret, there was no time to get to know someone. If you're cruising, you're operating on visuals only, and so the more 'aesthetically appealing' you were, the luckier you'd be. This applies not only to cruising but also to bathhouses, circuit parties, etc, anywhere where the visual is the first mode of connection. And then, of course, social media and app culture has exploded this even further. We now reward hotness with likes, shares, woofs, and taps. It is so easy to reward hotness but so hard to feel good about yourself in the process. 

Now that we've explored a few of the causes, we can play my favorite thought game: how can we operate within a society that is incapable of change and use that as a positive? The first thing I'd advise is to look at what media you're consuming. If you're liking pictures of muscle-bound men, that is what the internet will continue to show you and the cycle will continue. So unfollow the thirst traps and reinvigorate your feeds. Then, on the apps, explore what other things you feel like you offer that aren't physical. We are all so much more than our bodies but are conditioned to think bodies are the most important. You have so many incredible traits that are probably much better for authentic connection and intimacy than a six-pack. 

And lastly, in person, try to find spaces that are intentionally body-positive and inclusive of all body types. Of course, there will always be rejection; that happens to EVERYONE, no matter how hot they are, but you can definitely find spaces where connection is valued over aesthetics at first glance. These might take a little brainstorming and may not be places you're familiar with. Think gay sports teams, book clubs, social clubs, dinner parties, nonprofits, volunteering, etc. If we want to change the connections we're making, we have to look in new places or create the spaces we want to exist in. I'd also advise looking for places that advertise as queer over gay; those tend to be much more inclusive about who they cater to! 

And most importantly, remember that your body is worthy of feeling attractive and sexy and beautiful and handsome. And that feeling comes from you first. Obviously, this can be a hard thing to practice, but there are so many incredible things that your body can do and does to take care of you, so remind yourself of those wonderful things next time you're feeling overwhelmed by the aesthetic culture we exist around.  

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Well, y'all, that's all from me this week, and I'll talk to you next week from Philadelphia! We're inching closer to the warm weather; so keep up the good spirits.

All my love, Aidan