A Disciplined Buffalo in the Snow

And Pt. II on Work Crushes

Hellllooooo from chilly, chilly Buffalo, where it's a sensible three degrees outside. However, the theatre we are in is stunning and full of these elaborate drapes that make you feel properly cozy. Being from Hawaii, I think I'll always have an exciting appreciation for the snow, but I don't know how these Buffaloians do it on a consistent basis; it really is something else. But enough weather talk, this week we've got another nonprofit, a bit of history, some thoughts on discipline, and follow-up to last week’s work spouse question!

The Pride Center of Western New York 

Nonprofit #9 of the QNP in Buffalo is the Pride Center of West New York. The center is primarily focused on LGBTQ health and wellness and was established in 2001 to "promote the lifelong health and well-being of LGBTQ+ people." They have offices here in Buffalo (just two blocks from the theatre) but serve all eight counties in West New York. 

But what I found particularly moving about this org is its Silver Pride Project, which serves LGBTQ Seniors. LGBTQ Seniors are disproportionately affected by poverty and physical/mental health conditions due to a lifetime of minority stressors and lack of traditional family care structures. This can lead to them feeling alone and/or being taken advantage of in care centers. To counteract these adverse effects, the Pride Center does two things:

• Their Silver Pride Project Coffee hours are morning coffee socials that encourage connections, social engagement, and a healthier, active lifestyle. They have these every Friday (but aren't doing them in January, much to my disappointment).

• They also provide legal support for seniors by partnering with the Center for Elder Law and Justice. Through this partnership, they offer free legal services for LGBTQ folks over 50 that include name changes, gender changes, long-term care advocacy, and advance planning (power of attorney, healthcare proxies, and wills) 

Beyond their support for seniors, the Pride Center has a host of other services that help the citizens of West New York live happy, healthy, proud lives. Your donations will go to keeping the org running and continuing to provide its seniors with the support they truly need. This is City 3 of 6 in a row, so as always, all I'm asking for is $5. If you can, it makes my life much easier if you donate via Instagram (live around one), but I am happy to do Venmo, too, should that be what works for you!

Another LGBTQ Group here in Buffalo is Spectrum, a trans group encompassing all of West New York. Below is the history of its origin, as told by Camille Hopkins, one of its co-founders. She also includes some additional history about Trans groups in West New York that I found fascinating.  

"From 1992 through 2002, the "Buffalo Belles" was the only transgender social and support group in the Buffalo metro area. The Belles were originally founded as a place for crossdressers, as well as for their partners, in order to socialize and share their experiences. But as time went on, some members transitioned to living full-time as their true selves. Its membership eventually consisted of crossdressers and transsexuals/transgender women.

I joined the Buffalo Belles in 1996. By 2000, I had become President of the Buffalo Belles. Around that time, I knew a few trans men who were looking for a support group and had asked if they could attend a Belles meeting since there was no support group specifically for trans men. I believed that all trans people should be welcomed at Buffalo Belles meetings and encouraged them to attend. As time went on, more trans men were attending Belles meetings, and some became members...I believed it was time for the Belles to expand their mission to welcome and include trans men. In early 2001, I began an effort to educate and persuade the Belles membership to change its name to a non-gender-specific term to reflect the growing diversity of the group. After six months of discussions and debates, there was a vote to change the group's mission and title to a more inclusive organization. Unfortunately, the outcome of the vote had the majority of the membership deciding to keep everything the same, including the name "Buffalo Belles," and I resigned from the Belles. Others who felt the same left the group as well.

As time went on, many Belles members soon became dissatisfied with the direction of the group, and along with those who had already left the Belles, asked me if I would consider either returning or perhaps starting another trans support group that would be more expansive. 

Initially, I declined as I was involved with other organizations, such as GLYS, PFLAG, Pride Buffalo, and the New York State Transgender Coalition. Eventually, I decided that there was a real need for a new, dynamic, and more inclusive trans support group in WNY. I believed that any new group would need to be located in the City of Buffalo, where most trans people lived. In addition, public transportation, which was always a problem due to the Belles suburban location, would be more readily accessible if it were located in the City of Buffalo. It took six months of hard work to develop a new support and advocacy group that would meet the needs of WNY trans individuals.

On January 10, 2003, Spectrum held its first meeting at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Buffalo. Besides inviting all trans and non-binary individuals, it also welcomed families, friends, and allies of transgender people. In 2009, Spectrum Transgender Group was recognized for its contributions to Western New York by Embrace WNY at its Annual Buffalo Brunch when it received their Community Service Award. Today, it is one of the most visible and accomplished WNY trans support groups. I am proud of the organization and all who helped make it a reality.”

Only do what you can commit to on your worst day. 

So, this past week, Sam Leicht, friend and fitness coach extraordinaire, reshared a post about discipline that resonated with me. Sam preaches a beautifully holistic approach to fitness and health and has an incredible community and app called PrideFit. The post he shared said something along the lines of "only do what you can commit to on your worst day," and I've been thinking about it a ton this week. In the vein of resolutions and hard work that this time of year brings, we usually aim for the big things. We want to 'be fitter' or 'save money' or whatnot, but rarely put into practice the small changes that must happen to attain the big goals or make lasting habits. I suffer from this HARD. 

I rarely make goals. On the one hand, my life feels a bit too beautifully chaotic to even hypothesize about where I might be 5-10 years from now, and also, as a Libra, I exist in a constant state of 'what if.' But this idea of only committing to what you can do on your worst day makes me approach goal setting with so much more mercy and grace. If I have a day where I am craving something outside of what I 'should' be eating, where is the line between accepting my desires and practicing discipline? 

This year, I’m revisiting my relationship to fitness while on tour. So I've started working out with Sam's Pridefit app (which is incredible) and combined my Montessori education and my adult sensibilities to make a colorable eating chart. My E for 2024 is to eat with discipline and indulgence (which is a hard balance to find). So I have three circles a day and color them in with a color depending on whether I eat with discipline or indulgence. I am slowly reducing the indulgence meals week by week to build something sustainable while still experiencing the unique food around the country that I get to experience through tour. 

So, what can you commit to on the days when you want to quit? Are there goals that you've made that could be made easier by being more pragmatic? Can you break a big goal down into smaller, actionable habits? 

Dear gb: I was inspired by last week's question, so here goes. I've been at my job for a while now, and three months ago, this guy started working with me, and we've really been hitting it off. What's the best way to break the ice? And how do I navigate this flirty energy in a work context? 

Dear friend, I love a follow-up question, so thank you for asking it! First off, how fun and exciting for you! The beginnings of crushes are so fun, and it sounds like you two have a nice vibe going on. There is so much potential for wonderful things to come with a work crush, and I think you should definitely explore them. However, I will add a few pragmatic details to think about as you explore this new relationship. 

Because I've had to attend so many intro HR meetings (with every show, there's another meeting), I've learned very thoroughly that things can get complicated in the workplace. You don't want to upset the balance of work, but also, if you're feeling good feelings, you'll want to act on those, too. In New York, you're allowed to ask someone out at work a single time; that's it. Now, of course, our lives aren't always that simple, but it's a good number to keep in mind. Let things build until there's some pretty firm evidence that you two should take the relationship forward. And maybe that entails doing something as friends outside of work together since, like I said last week, you two might not mesh as well outside of work as you do inside work. 

Because there are two options: you two get together and it's great, or you don't. If things work out, then that's the easy option, but if it doesn't work out, you should think about how that would impact your work experience. If you two spend a lot of time together for work, negative energy could majorly affect you, and maybe it's not worth the risk. And you should definitely weigh that before you make any decisions. And then, lastly, respect the energy of your coworkers, too. This may sound strange, but a workplace crush always changes the energy of a space, and remember to keep your work friends in mind as you move forward with your feelings. Nobody wants to feel suddenly ignored or uncomfortable by shifting emotions! So, in summary, I'd say just let it grow for a while, explore how you two feel as friends, and then, if you still think there's something there after a while, ask about taking it to that next level! 

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Well, friends, that is all from me this week; I'll be trying my best to stay warm and hope you all are too! This winter weather is no joke. Make yourself a cup of something warm and watch/read/eat something that makes you feel cozy! 

All my love, Aidan