A Gay Buffet Father's Day!
Celebrating Gay Dads!
Hello friends, and happy Father’s Day!
When I was grappling with my sexuality back in 2011, one of the things that kept me from coming out more quickly was the belief that if I were gay, fatherhood would be completely out of reach, and I think many young people feel that way.
So today, I want to step away from my own story and highlight some incredible gay fathers and dear friends. I’ve been so lucky to get to know these ten men and see the joy that fatherhood has brought them. From fourteen-day-old twins to tweens, these families all had different routes to get to where they are today, but the common theme is a dedicated intentionality and deep love.
Fatherhood is not for everyone, and fatherhood looks different to all folks, but I hope you’ll join me in celebrating these five families in a time when visibility and joy are so desperately important.
Take it away, boys!
“Fatherhood is hard to describe, but as we held our sons for the first time, we felt like, love does not cover this. This feeling is just unmatched. They need to invent a new word for it, as it's just so much bigger than love. It was so special to get to hold them for the first time and to have held them every day since then, and to hold them for the next 18 years.
There's a level of intentionality that goes into becoming a parent as a Queer person and to be gay dads in New York City; raising two kids is truly just a dream come true. And that intentionality is what separates us from most straight couples because we wanted this so badly. We had to fight for it, save for it, and choose our kids over and over and over again before they even came into the world.
But I think the most special thing was handing our son, Carter, to Chris for the first time and seeing his face when I walked into the room, holding him in his little swaddle and hat. The pure joy and love that was radiating off of Chris was euphoric and literally life-changing.
See, someone told us about a week before we left for the birth of our kids that parenthood would allow you to see the best version of your partner and the best version of yourself if you allow it to. And we're already starting to see that. We've loved our time together as husbands, and our life has been great, but now it's been elevated. We feel like new people in the best way, and we are so lucky for that.”
Head over to Chris & Clay’s Instagrams to congratulate them on their two-week-old bundles of joy!
“Fatherhood, for us, is equal parts chaos and magic — usually happening at the exact same time. We're raising twin boys who are currently three years old, so our house is basically a 24/7 combination of lots of hugs & kisses, a comedy show, and a WWE match. As gay dads, we're acutely aware that families like ours weren't always visible — which is one of the big reasons we created Families Out Loud, a space to celebrate, educate, and connect LGBTQ+ families and aspiring parents.
For us, being dads isn't about doing things "differently" than straight parents — it's about doing them authentically, with a deep sense of gratitude for the journey that got us here (which included surrogacy, a lot of paperwork, and more than a few skinny margaritas). The biggest surprise? Just how natural it all feels. Sure, we Googled "How to Burp a Baby" like everyone else — but at the core, parenting is universal: love, patience, and learning as you go.
Favorite memory? Any moment when we catch our boys in fits of giggles — it's those tiny flashes of joy that remind us we're doing something right (even if we forgot to fold the laundry… again).”
Follow along with George and Mike or check out the incredible work that they’re doing through Families Out Loud here!
“We think it is our responsibility as human beings here on this planet to collect this wisdom along the way and do our best to leave behind our seeds and crumbs for the next ones. We feel this way about the gay community, from what our elders before us did for us, and we feel it now more so about our daughter, whom we are raising to be a grown human one day in this beautiful but flawed world.
We feel like we are part of a community of trailblazers who are working for the next generation to widen the road. We live our lives out loud and proud for all the kids now who need a family like ours to look up to. To see that it is possible. We need them to know that if it's their dream to be a father, they can absolutely have it.
And yet, we know how rare it still is for a gay family to exist, how we are still very much a minority. We feel an enormous sense of pride wherever we go as a family, whenever we feel a stranger's eyes on us, whenever questions come our way about our family, or when we come up against certain rules or roadblocks that are set up for straight families and have yet to be shifted to accommodate families like ours.
But she makes it all worth it. You hear from everyone that "the love for a child is like nothing else," but of course, until you experience that for yourself, it's impossible to really know what that love feels like. But just minutes after Larsen was born, it was like being struck by lightning - a full body rush of emotion - "THIS IS THAT FEELING!"
There are these frequent moments where you get to just be buddies, and it's the absolute best feeling ever. Talking with her is our absolute favorite thing to do. It fills us with so much pride. Pride towards her and proud of the parenting partnership that we have developed. There's just so much love in our household, and we are extremely proud as gay men that we are able to be parents and are very grateful to all the people who supported our journey to parenthood, particularly our gestational carrier, Laura.”
Follow along with Mark & Justin as they parent with more than a little touch of theatre along the way!
“Even living just outside New York City, we're still the only two-dad family at our son's school. But being two dads among a crowd of mostly straight parents gives us the chance to show how being unique is a strength.
His school is filled with kids of many races and religions, so our family's experience helps show him that being different in one way doesn't make you different in every way. Underneath those differences are similarities that connect him to others around him.
In our day-to-day lives, being gay dads doesn't define how we parent. We spend our days in the car drop-off line, contemplating the downsides of screen time and struggling to get our kids to eat foods other than pizza. While being a same-sex couple makes us unique, we find that the joys and challenges of parenting are universal.
We're simply trying to raise a kind, independent kid… with maybe a few more musical theater references than most.”
Catch up with Mo & Justin on their adorable Daddy & Papa & Me Make 3 account here!
“For us, fatherhood is both an everyday joy and an extraordinary privilege. We still remember the early days and how impossible it all felt at first, how we didn't see many families that looked like ours. But we knew, without a doubt, that we were meant to be dads (we picked out our future kids' names a month into dating (lol), which, looking back, was a little premature). And now here we are, raising three incredible kids in a home that's messy and loud and full of love, and we can't imagine life any other way.
Being gay dads means we approach parenting with a certain intentionality. Nothing about our path was accidental. It was deliberate, hard-won, and a lot of work over many years, with getting our foster care licenses, fostering for two years, and then finally adopting four years ago. Maybe that's what makes us more patient when things get chaotic or more emotional over the small, ordinary moments: the bedtime hugs, the school projects, and the way our kids look for us in the crowd.
We've been surprised, in the best way, by how natural it all feels, how we've become "Dad" and "Daddy" so seamlessly like we were always meant to be called those names. It feels as natural as breathing. One of our favorite memories is when we visited our son on his field trip, and one of his little friends said, "Riah, your dads are here!" And Riah's face lit up with excitement. It was simple, but it stopped us in our tracks because of how matter-of-fact it was. There was no judgment, just pure joy. To be seen as a family, that's the dream. And we're living it.
Dive deeper into gay parenting with
here, and subscribe to their incredible Substack, Okay McKay!Well folks, that’s all from us today!
I hope you’ve enjoyed this little taste of some of the incredible community members that make up our Gay Buffet family, and I hope you have a lovely Father’s Day, in whatever way that looks like to you.
How wonderful -- being a parent (of any gender) is a life-changing experience. Thanks for sharing the perspectives of two-dad families. LOVE IT!
What I wouldn’t give to have been raised by two gays dads…. Thank you for putting a spotlight on two daddies.
Of course you have me thinking about how this perspective of parenting is needed so badly.
There are so many terrible heterosexual parents, ones that shouldn’t have been parents in the first place. Yet it’s just so easy for it to happen for them.
It’s a sacred duty to create, nurture, and raise children, I think gay parents are here to remind us of that sacred responsibility.