Bite-Sized in Boston

And the difference between want and need in a relationship...

Hello friends, and welcome to this bite-sized Boston afternoon delight. The tour schedule, mixed with a whirlwind 36 hours at home, finally caught up with me, and I knew there was no way I could put this out on time. So, instead, I'm giving you a short and sweet edition this week! Keep reading for

• BAGLY: My Boston Nonprofit

• The History of BLAGMAR

• The Traitors

• The relationship difference between want and need 

  

• This week's nonprofit is BAGLY, a youth-run LGBTQ organization here in Boston. What I love about BAGLY is that while it's adult-sponsored, the entire organization is youth-led. Not only does this empower youth to be in charge of their own decisions, but it also teaches them really important life skills and sets them ahead of the curve when it comes to advocacy and activism. 

"In July of 1980, long before the days of community, political, or financial support, BAGLY was founded by LGBTQ+ youth who believed that an organization led by and for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and questioning youth would be central to meeting the core physical, social, and developmental needs of Greater Boston's LGBTQ+ youth community...Three generations of queer youth movement leaders later, BAGLY is recognized nationally for its pioneering role in creating, sustaining, and advocating for social support, leadership development, and health promotion programs for LGBTQ+ youth. BAGLY's approach and historic practice, which has served over 30,000 youth, is replicated by programs and organizations across the country.

In 1980, BAGLY's youth and adults worked without a rulebook or roadmap: there were no best practices, no professional training for youth work, no coalitions, and not even one other LGBTQ+ youth group in the state with whom to collaborate. As a result, BAGLY's youth and adult leadership worked together to establish and develop institutional best practices regarding youth/adult organizational power and collaboration, personal boundaries between youth and adults, and meaningful youth participation and leadership."

BAGLY hosts drop-in meetings every weekday; the full list can be found here. And while they are so well established, they can always use extra support in the following ways:

• $35.00 - could help offset the cost for various monthly events that provide a safe and welcoming space for LGBTQ+ youth to connect with others who understand their experiences.

• $60.00 - could help provide bedding and towels for youth facing unstable housing.

• $125.00 could help provide a free therapy session, either virtually or in person, through BAGLY's licensed clinicians.

• $250.00 - helps fund our direct aid initiatives and needs

Links below! 

The LGBTQ+ Community has long had a history of inventive acronyms, BAGLY being one of them. But Boston seems to really love them; while I was doing my research, I found another with such a unique name that I couldn't help but dive deeper into its history. BLAGMAR sounds like a place in Middle Earth (Lord of the Rings for those less versed in fantasy), but it actually stands for Boston Lesbians and Gay Men Against the Right. But instead of having me rephrase it, here's the history of BLAGMAR from The History Project.

"Boston Lesbian and Gays Against the Right (BLAGMAR) and its parent organization, Lavender Resistance, were groups formed in the last half of the 1970s to negotiate between issues relating to the LGBT community and the concerns of leftist politics. Lavender Resistance, active from 1976-1979, was primarily a discussion and study group that focused on defining this relationship, and because some members wanted a more action-oriented environment, BLAGMAR was formed to meet this need in 1978. BLAGMAR specifically was a reaction against the emergence of the New Right, a political movement of evangelical Christians headed by people like Anita Bryant that actively targeted the gay and lesbian community. The records of the organizations reflect the political and activist LGBT community during one of the Gay Rights Movement's most active periods. Perhaps most importantly, these records, particularly the meeting minutes and discussion notes, are very relevant for any study of how gay and lesbian issues related to socialist and progressive politics and how certain members of the community chose to approach this relationship. The group's records represent an intellectual and economically progressive approach to LGBT issues. Lavender Resistance, a socialist-feminist voice in the gay community, was particularly invested in the study of the historical interactions between race, class, gender, and homosexuality in a capitalist environment, while BLAGMAR focused on current political trends and activism.

BLAGMAR also met on Thursday evenings, and the mostly handwritten meeting notes run from 03/25/1979 to 03/31/1980. Though assigned reading materials are present in the collection, there is much less than was present in the materials of Lavender Resistance. Most of these photocopied readings relate to the New Right and LGBT activism. Again, the collection includes the internal organizational documents, such as lists of members, descriptions of goals, and notes on planning done outside of regular meetings. BLAGMAR's organizational documents intended for dissemination largely relate to the group's active stance against the Briggs Initiative in California, and include letters, position papers, and flyers. Documents that are more general or focused on other issues are also present. Again, BLAGMAR collected the materials of related organizations, such as letters, position papers, and flyers. The materials that reflect the interests of members and the group are overwhelmingly related to LGBT activism and culture. A distinctive feature of the BLAGMAR papers is the large collection of materials related to LGBT literary culture. Photocopies of poems, plays, and literary essays were presumably collected as BLAGMAR prepared a theatre piece, "Up on the Roof," that was showcased Sunday, May 31, 1979, to mark the ten-year anniversary of the Stonewall Riots. The large cloth banner and eight manila sheets were used as posters to record the event's agenda.”

BLAGMAR Members at the Stonewall Inn

This past week, Casey and I absolutely devoured Peacock's The Traitors. Now, we normally aren't reality TV folks (Drag Race aside), but I'd seen enough memes about this particular show that I felt like we needed to watch so we could be a part of the conversation, and boy, did we get hooked right away. The show takes 22 reality TV stars from all types of shows: Survivor, Assorted Real Housewives Shows, The Challenge, Big Brother, Drag Race, and more, and puts them in a Scottish Castle together. In this castle, they play a game of mafia where some people are traitors, and the rest are faithful. Each night, the traitors eliminate one player from the game, and then after a day full of challenges, the players deliberate and vote on one person to banish. At the end of the game, if there is even one traitor left, they win the game and the prize money. It's a brilliant example of how simple trust tension can provide for some of the most effective TV drama. 

And best of all, the show is hosted by Alan Cumming, who delivers the narration and orchestrates the game with such style and camp. [EPISODE ONE SPOILER AHEAD] The lone Drag Race contestant, Peppermint, gets a bad run on the show as the housemates bring in their real-life bias against otherness in the very first episode. It's unsettling for those of us who have experienced similar levels of exclusion due to our otherness, but at least Peppermint got the final word in the reunion episode. After that first misstep, the show really picks up and is such an exciting, tense, adrenaline romp. So, if you're feeling like you need some mystery, intrigue, and murder in your life, check it out! 

 Dear gb: last night my boyfriend told me that he needed me, but I don't think I need him in the same way. Don't get me wrong I love him and want to be with him, I just don't think I NEED him. Does this mean something is wrong in the relationship? What should I do?

Dear friend, while that kind of language can seem scary, I don't think that it is a red flag at all. There's a lot that can come into play with this type of language, so take a deep breath and let's explore this. The first thing I'd advise is to ask for some clarification. Your boyfriend saying that he needs you might not mean what you interpreted as. That's pretty charged language for sure, but there's definitely room for misinterpretation if he means something less intense than you're hearing it as. 

And if there isn't any misinterpretation, that's still okay. Relationships are constant ebbs and flows of connections. Is your boyfriend going through a particularly hard time? In that case, his need for you might be a great sign that he is leaning on you for support. But if this is just how he feels on the regular, then I still think that is fine. While we put a lot of pressure on the word need, there's also something really wonderful about wanting to be there with your partner and choosing him. It's a beautiful thing to choose your partner day after day. There's a beauty in being needed and also a beauty in being chosen. 

The only word of caution I'd give is if it feels unhealthy to you. I'm all for healthy codependency because we are social beings and thrive on connection. We all need other people, period. But if your boyfriend is using your relationship to cope with something else in his life then that's a pink flag. We all have to take care of ourselves first; put on our oxygen masks, if you will. So, to sum up, ask your boyfriend what's underneath the need, and if you both agree that there's nothing insidious there, then you two are probably on great ground! It can be a scary thing to do, but the conversation will (hopefully) open up space for some beautiful connection!

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Well friends that's it from me this week in Boston! Next weeks my vacation from the show and from Gay Buffet so stay tuned for a micro edition and then I'll be back with our regular programming the following week!