Is Your Phone Stealing Your Memories?

It is, but here's how to fight back.

Jan 09, 2025

Hey friends! I’m coming at you one day late this week since I’m in Hawaii and the time got away from me! But as always, I’d rather give you something a day late, but a day better than rush out something. I hope you enjoy a slightly new format too!

The Buffet Bulletin

This is a brand new space for news, updates, and general goings on in the Gay Buffet community as we grow in 2025. These will all be things to keep you up to date on important things happening to/in the Queer community each week. Unfortunately, in the coming years, there will be a lot we MUST pay attention to, so if you're going to read any part of these newsletters, let it be this.

On January 3rd, Congress swore in its 119th Congress, and there are the most LGTBQ+ legislators in that group in history: 13! My personal favorite and biggest inspiration is Sarah McBride, the first openly trans person to be elected to Congress. She will face a brutal, uphill battle, but her perseverance and grace in the face of hate inspire me every day.
Because of Ms. McBride, Speaker Mike Johnson has included a trans bathroom ban in the U.S. congressional rules.
Meta has been caught censoring LGBTQ+ content and said that such content was 'mistakenly restricted.' This occurred just days before Mark Zuckerberg said that Meta would no longer be fact-checking or protecting minorities from hate speech, including those regarding immigration and gender. So, people can now say that LGBTQ+ folk are mentally ill with no repercussions.
On a lighter topic, stay tuned for some gradual aesthetic changes. A rebrand is on the horizon!
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The Main Course

Offloading My Brain’s Data

I downloaded a new app this week called Trakt. Trakt helps you record what movies and TV shows you've watched, which is really helpful for me as I write. This way, I can cycle back and check in on what I watched and remember to write about it at a later date. I put this app in a folder with GoodReads, which helps me keep track of the books I've read over the years for the same reason.

Now, I love GoodReads, don't get me wrong. I love being able to scroll back and smile fondly over books I've loved or laugh about books I hated. It's a little time capsule bookshelf in my phone. But with all things, there's a darker side. Goodreads encourages you to read MORE books rather than reading them deeply. Combined with the fact that I read on my Kindle, which keeps track of your progress in "Minutes left in chapter" or "Minutes left in book," I can slowly feel my relationship with HOW I read changing, even if I'm reading more than ever.

And those are just two in a sea of time capsule apps. There's TimeHop, which literally compiles a "this day in your life" slideshow from Facebook to Twitter to Photos and lets you walk back through the years for every single day. Casey and I used to take photos, and we'd say, "Not for posting, just for TimeHop." The implication was that we wanted to be able to savor this moment in a year's time, for years to come.

And so many apps capitalize on that desire.

Google Maps Timeline: This is a complete map of where you've gone every day that I often use. Casey and I once used it to extensively sleuth out the context of a picture we had no memory of taking.
Apple's Journey: This new app in iOS17 was specifically designed for you to journal right from within your phone, complete with AI inspiration and journal prompts.
Letterboxed & Serial Box: These are additional apps to keep track of the things you've watched or consumed.
Apple Health: The original health tracker (with Fitbit), I once charged my watch at an Apple Store on a walk of Pride (shame) simply to complete my stand rings for the day.
Untappd & Vivino: There are even documenting apps for beer and wine!

Now you might be thinking, what's the problem with all this? People journal or keep scrapbooks all the time, and isn't this just another form of hyper-specific journaling? Sort of, but there's something more troubling at work.

The Problem

The impetus for this article occurred when I turned to Casey a few days ago and asked, "What would we remember if we had no phones? With all this data we're putting in them, what's this doing to our memories?"

Turns out, there's a ton.

There are a lot of studies out there that try to make sense of what our phones are doing to our brains. Unfortunately, the research cannot keep pace with the software updates, so we're sort of flying blind. But what research is out there is enough to make me concerned.

Let's start with digital amnesia. This is a "coined by cybersecurity firm Kaspersky Lab in 2015 after researchers hired by the company surveyed 1,000 Americans aged 16 to 55" (Headspace). The study found that 91% of people used their phones as an extension of their brains, and 44% said that, in addition, their brains served as a memory bank as well. This isn't that shocking. Think about how many phone numbers of folks you know, hardly any, right? This is simply because you don't need to. Your contacts are tucked in your pocket. But what would happen if something went wrong and you needed to contact someone, but you didn't know their phone number?

This is a biologically sound phenomenon, however. If we trust that information will be secure somewhere else, our brain is okay with letting that information go. Researchers at Columbia and Harvard have conducted experiments that prove this point, and they've coined it the "Google effect," because we know that the information will probably be able to be found on Google.

But what happens when that same concept is applied to our photographic memories? When we take constant photos, we are telling our brains that it's okay to forget the memory we've just documented because we know we'll have access to it at a later date. Even worse, if we're experiencing a moment primarily through our cameras (like at a concert), we are much more likely to not have strong memories of the event in the first place.

In an experiment at Stanford, participants were instructed to walk through the Stanford Memorial Church, some with cameraphones and some without. A week later, they were quizzed on what they remembered. Those with phones performed worse than those without.

"Just taking photos in general was enough to decrease scores on a memory test," says Emma Templeton, a Dartmouth psychological researcher who was a co-author of the study. "We're using these devices, distracting ourselves from the experience, and because of that distraction, we don't remember the thing we're supposed to be paying attention to," [Vox]

There's even evidence that taking pictures with the intention to share them can change our memories. When taking photos to share, we're more likely to remember that same experience from a third-person perspective rather than a first-person one.

But there's hope, even within the research.

The Solution

What can we do to counteract all these effects? At the end of the day, it's not all bad. It can be really helpful and lovely to go back and look through this digital record of your life, and it's a gift to see things that you have forgotten about. But there are ways to make sure that if cloud storage ever goes away, you know what is important and remember what matters.

The first step is to have some faith in your brain. It's been proven that the more you believe that your brain has the power to counteract these negative effects, the more it will. If you think your brain is finite, it will act as such. The power of thought is a real and potent thing.

The second thing to do is work out your brain. Your ability to focus and pay attention to one thing at a time can strengthen your brain and build new neural pathways to help you remember things without your phone. A few simple ways to do that are:

-Start keeping your phone in another room while completing tasks, or just throw it across the room (gently) like I did while writing this article.

-Try creating other ways to remember things. Casey and I have a whiteboard Calendar that we put important events on, and that's a great physical way to keep track of our events.

-As a very retro exercise, you could ask people to recite their phone numbers to you so you remember them OR put your closest contacts' numbers in their name so you always see it when their name pops up.

-Then, try to physically dial those numbers so you can build those neural pathways.

-Constantly rearrange your phone. I love this because it allows me to not rely on muscle memory to tap on apps; I have to relearn locations and practice new neural pathways every time I do.

-Only look up things as a last resort, or with the advent of AI, have chat GPT give you hints about something you're trying to remember. This way, you're looking things up and working your brain.

-And the last and most important one of all. Take a picture at the beginning or end of your experience and then put that thing away.

Our lives are meant to be lived, not documented. You might find an enormous gift when you put your phone away and explore what things your brain really wants you to remember. Our lives are full of so many things, and we aren't supposed to remember everything; it sounds scary, and it IS scary, but if we spend our whole lives looking backward, we inhibit our ability not only to be in the present but to grow into the people that we are destined to become. So put that phone away and make some good old-fashioned fallible memories.

Well, folks, that's all from me this week. If you're reading this on your phone, take a minute and put your phone in another room; really be present with yourself (and some boredom), even if it's just for a few moments. I am so grateful for you all and this community we're building in the face of the coming hardships.

As always,