Hello friends! This is going to be a short, lil gratitude follow-up! After last week's gratitude edition, my sister sent me the Huberman Lab Podcast's Gratitude special from Thanksgiving 2021, and I wanted to do a little addendum with what I learned. Andrew Huberman is an associate professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology at Stanford University School of Medicine. He uses his wildly successful podcast to help listeners 'hack' their neurochemistry to live happier lives. For most of what I summarize here, I won't include the sources and studies, but I will include the link to the podcast where he explains all the studies should you want to do a little deeper dive yourself. So, let's get grateful.Â
Also, I’m sticking to Wednesdays for this week because I wanted to get this out before Thanksgiving!
The Benefits
There are so many benefits to a gratitude practice, and they range from mental to physical. A healthy gratitude practice can reframe past trauma and help protect you from traumas that haven't happened yet by strengthening the positive neural pathways in your brain and priming them to be stronger and more adaptable in the future. Regular gratitude practices can also enhance your social relationships, from coworkers to friends, family, and even yourself. There are even anti-inflammatory results of a regular gratitude practice, which are on par with certain pharmacological practices and even high-intensity interval training.Â
The Science
To start, Huberman explains the difference between prosocial and defensive behaviors. Prosocial behaviors are any behaviors or modes of thinking that allow us to interact more effectively with other people, including ourselves. Defensive behaviors are the opposite, thinking modes designed to keep us safe in a dangerous world. Gratitude is a prosocial behavior designed to bring us closer to positive things and even allows us to extract more detail from those things.Â
But biologically, our defensive circuits are inherently stronger than our prosocial ones because those are the ones that help us stay alive and learn from our mistakes. So, we need to put a little more effort and energy into these prosocial behaviors to counteract that biological primer.Â
These prosocial circuits light up when we are engaged in positive experiences, and defensive behaviors (i.e., shaky voices, covering our vital organs, backing away from threats) are reduced when these prosocial circuits are more active. The grateful thoughts we have release serotonin, which literally tells our muscles to stay stationary if we're engaged with something we like or tells them to move closer to something that we're enjoying. And these circuits can be trained like muscles, the more you use the prosocial ones, the stronger they get and the weaker the defensive ones become.Â
The GratitudeÂ
So, now that you know the benefits and science, how do we use that to implement a successful gratitude practice? Imagine my surprise when I learned that writing down things you're grateful for actually does nothing for your brain circuitry. Huberman says it's not about expressing gratitude but receiving it instead.Â
Many studies have found that the experience of receiving gratitude makes your body go through all the prosocial experiences outlined above. So think about that the next time you want to give someone some heartfelt thanks! You're literally changing their neurochemistry just by letting them know how grateful you are for them.Â
But Huberman also says that you don't just have to wait around for people to be grateful for you; there are certain ways to get this same response on your own. And this method is rooted in three things: storytelling, help, and genuine feeling.Â
Storytelling:Â Our brains are wired for stories. It's how we communicate and how we learn not only socially but also biologically. So think about a time you received gratitude and write down that story. You can also find a story about someone else being thanked for something they've done. The study he quotes involved subjects watching genocide survivors talk about the people who helped them along the way. As long as it elicits an emotional response from you, it will work. Think, heartwarming good news pieces.Â
Help: The focus of these stories must be about the help received. I've learned that the fastest way to make a friend is by asking them for help, and the fastest way to feel gratitude is to be recognized for how you helped someone. Help is so important because it brings us together in a way that allows for vulnerability and community building simultaneously. Asking someone for help shows that you trust them and need them, strengthening your bond with that person and opening yourself up to them in a way that might make us feel a little uncomfortable. We aren't too practiced at this anymore in our individualistic society. Â
Genuine Feeling:Â And the last thing is that these thanks must be genuine. We have mirror neurons that can help us intuit what others are feeling so you can tell when someone isn't being entirely genuine. And this can directly impact how you feel about the gratitude you are receiving. So don't go around giving fake gratitude because that sure won't help the other person feel good.Â
So, with those three things in mind, Huberman says that the following is an ideal gratitude practice:
Gratitude PracticeÂ
Find a story that moves you to the point of genuine feeling.
After you've found the story, write down a few bullet points to help with recall.Â
Write down the state you were in before you received the gratitude or read the story
Write the state you were in after and really lean into those deep, cozy feelings.Â
Add any other key emotional elements that will help you tap into what you're feeling
Sit with those feelings for at least a minute; two is ideal, but you can even do it up to five.Â
Repeat this about three times a week for maximum physical effects (and you can do this at any time of day)!Â
This gave me a lot to think about. I love my gratitude practice because it is a little time capsule of my day, and I don't want to get rid of that. So I've decided to still list the ten things I'm grateful for, but now I'll add one thing I did each day that made someone grateful for me. Then I'll sit with that memory for a minute or two before bed.
I hope this helped and you found it as informative as I did, and I hope you take some time to reflect on how people are grateful for you. I, for one, am very grateful that you are a Gay Buffet reader, and I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!Â
All my love, AidanÂ
P.S. A great way to show gratitude is by sharing this email and then letting the recipient know you’re grateful for them!