The Oldest Gay Beach in the World Is Where?
And tossing that salad....
Welcome back to the final (for now) travel edition of Gay Buffet! I'm back in New York writing this, but after France Casey and I spent two and a half days in Sitges, a charming gay town on the southern coast of Spain. So that's our throughline for this week; let's jump on in (the Mediterranean)!
College Board Refuses to Alter AP Psychology: The College Board, which administers AP tests, refused to create a censored version of AP Psychology to accommodate Florida's anti-LGBTQ laws. In response, Florida's Education Commission told schools to teach the class in its entirety, with classes beginning next week.
World Record Set for Longest Drag Show: Last month, over 120 drag performers broke the Guinness World Record for the longest drag show by performing continuously for 48 hours, 11 minutes, and 30 seconds! The show took place in Portland and was a fundraiser for queer youth and honored Darcelle XV, the oldest living drag queen until her death at 92 in March of this year.
If you head west from Sitges for about 45 minutes, you'll stumble upon one of the oldest gay beaches in the world (if not the oldest). It's called Playa Del Muerto, and as you can see, it's been around since 1930.
The history surrounding this idyllic beach is vague and hard to find online. The rumor is that the beach gets its name from a dead Spanish soldier who washed up on the beach in the 19th century, but it was hard to find anything beyond that.
This mystery is another indicator of how queer history was passed through whispers in times when it was criminal. There could be no written record of these places, and the inaccessibility of the beach surely added to its appeal. You walk along the coast before trekking up some rocks and then along the side of the train tracks before you eventually come upon this secluded patch of sand crammed with bodies. The beach is clothing optional, but there were folks in all manner of swimsuits. You could tell from the crowd's energy that, even now, this place is a refuge. Sure, there are designated cruising spots across the tracks and around the corner in another cove, but on the beach, the atmosphere was full of joy and community; it just so happened that many of the people happened to be naked.
We had some pretty incredible food on this trip, so I decided that for this week, I would highlight three Michelin-starred restaurants with queer chefs because when it's done right, food is art.
Julia Sedefjian, Baieta
Baieta is located in Paris (I am so sad I didn't do this article while we were still there) and means "kiss" in the Niçard dialect. Head chef Julia Sedefdjian is the youngest chef in France to earn a Michelin star and tries to make her food at an accessible price point for young folks.
Niki Nakayama, n/naka
n/naka is one of five restaurants in Los Angeles to have earned two Michelin stars and the only one run by a lesbian couple. Niki Nakayama and Carole Iida-Nakayama create an incredible 13-course menu that reflects the serenity of Japanese culture and the complexity of growing up queer.
Patrick O'Connell, The Inn at Little Washington
The Inn at Little Washington opened in 1978 in the small town of Washington, Virginia. Its owner, Patrick O'Connell, is an openly gay man who blends French cuisine with local goods to create a "fantality" style (a blend of reality and fantasy).
What’s happening to our inter-generational relationships?
One thing that really struck me on the beach was the sheer breadth of ages present. And I've already been thinking a lot recently about the separation between generations writ large and within the queer community.
No one wants to get older, and so we become scared of aging even though it is the most natural process there is. And inter-generational friendships are becoming harder to nurture with this accentuated in the rise of social media. I've had some wonderful, enlightening conversations with elders this summer, but all were initiated in person. From looking through old photographs of Fire Island, to unpacking the differences of coming out pre, mid, or post-AIDS, so much information has been passed and processed. And I've loved every minute of it. But with our insulated social fabric, it can be hard to meet or know how to even interact with other generations sometimes.
And then you factor in societal ageism, and it becomes even more complicated. I listened to a great podcast about how your perception of aging contributes directly to how fast you age (the more you worry and stress about aging, the more cortisol is released into your system, contributing to a quicker decline). And American capitalism certainly doesn't help. We are constantly being fed ads for everything that can slow down the body's natural process, but we are never provided information about embracing and accepting ourselves.
So what happens? We become afraid of a natural process and end up distancing ourselves from those who are further along it than we are. Even though getting old is literally the prize of a life well lived. And then we lose all that learning, connection, and wisdom. We miss out on the opportunity to take many years of learning and filter it through our own perceptions and accelerate our own growth, which is a travesty.
Are there multi-generational relationships that you can put some effort into? Are there things that you would like an elder's advice on? Do you have perceptions of aging that are maybe harmful that you could rethink?
The train ride from Paris to Barcelona is about six hours long. The view outside the window blurs by; the city becomes outskirts which fade into rolling French hills; the further South we got, the more the rocks peeked through the grass, and before long, we were in arid wine country. I'd never taken such a long train ride before and ended up with the perfect backdrop for staring out the window: Ethel Cain's Preacher's Daughter.
The album is a Southern Gothic epic written by a 24-year-old trans woman whose most popular song was included on Obama's end-of-year playlist last year. Ethel Cain is the name of both character and writer of the album, which chronicles her life and escape from small-town America. Hayden Silas Anhedönia is the real-world person behind Cain, but the lines between the two are deeply blurred. Anhedönia moved to rural Alabama and lived in a dilapidated shack as character research to write the album, and you can hear the decaying towns and religious trauma in every note and haunting lyric. It may sound like a strange album to recommend, but put on a song with some good headphones and let yourself be absorbed by the rich atmosphere and soaring vocals. I promise you won't regret it.
Dear gb: Any advice for gay men who don't want to eat ass or have their ass eaten? Should we be shamed for that by our friends? Is this internalized homophobia??
Dear friend, I love this question. Sexual stigma is something that all gay men deal with (and I would assume all people to some degree). And so much of it becomes wrapped in humor or insults, making it hard for us to decipher what we actually want vs. what we think we should. Which takes us to your question. You like what you like and don't like what you don't. That is a pretty simple assessment that gets diluted based on what other people think about that.
When I hear friends complain about someone not wanting to eat ass, it usually has a subtext of needing to make sure they're ready to bottom (no one likes bottoming with no foreplay), so think of other things you can do to prep a bottom besides eating ass.
If it's a germs and cleanliness issue, let your partners know that too. As long as you communicate that beforehand with someone you trust, hopefully, they will respect your preference and maybe create a space where you feel more comfortable exploring (but you don't need to if you know you don't want to)!
Ultimately, it comes down to figuring out what you want, what you like, and what outside influences impact those decisions. And it can take some time to understand that. Doing something old with a new person or something new with a familiar person can provide a new lens on sex. And bad communication can ruin something that you previously thought you enjoyed. We are complex creatures, and unfortunately, we don't get nearly enough sex education on the physical aspects or emotional or mental. So at the end of the day, explore enough to make really informed decisions about what you want and then communicate those effectively. And keep an open mind down the line because the only constant is change.
That’s all from me for now. Next week we will be back to our regular NY-based edition, but stay tuned for some new exciting things coming in the fall!
All my love!