Would you rather: Pittsburgh or Saltburn?
And unpacking a work spouse?
Hi friends! Welcome back to Wednesdays! I’m coming at ya from rainy, chilly Pittsburgh and even though I went to Penn State, I've only spent about two hours in Pittsburgh, (catching the Megabus to school) so I'm happy to get to spend a little time here this week. It's so heartwarming to see all these little PA native restaurant chains I haven't seen since school! Heads up, there’s a little bit of a new look with the titles below, and, of course, with a new city comes a new nonprofit, so let's jump on in!
40% of homeless youth in America identify as LGBTQ, and traditional shelters don't provide the resources LGBTQ youth need. They also don't protect kids from the homophobia of other kids or help to repair the bonds that are lost since most LGBTQ kids become homeless after being kicked out by their families. The nonprofit here in Pittsburgh delivers these vital services and is the only organization that provides emergency short-term housing services for LGBTQ youth in Western Pennsylvania.
Proud Haven was founded in 2012 to be the first overnight shelter of its kind in Pittsburgh. In addition to housing, they also have events and support groups for LGBTQ youth. For the past four years, Proud Haven has been working collaboratively with TransYouniting, and in 2022, they decided to take their working relationship a step further and collaborate and share a mutual community space. Their QMNTY center has a plethora of offerings, including:
A community closet that has shelf-stable goods, hygiene products, and clothing available to any TLGBQIA+ or allied person in need.
A YOUth Drop In, weekly workshops, crafting, art, open discussion on important topics for young adults, job support, housing support, and more with light refreshments
QMNTY Drop-In - Adult Community-focused space from 6 pm-10 pm Monday through Friday. A time to check out their library, access the QMNTY closet, get support for jobs, resume or housing searches, and more.
And their open event space - Open by appointment on the weekends with sliding scale fees for individual events and community events!
Your donations will go directly to soaps and other hygiene products, office supplies, non-perishable foods, and certain clothing, such as socks and undergarments. This is 2 of 6 in a row, so again, all I'm asking for is $5 dollars. The fundraiser will be live on my Instagram later today, or you can Venmo me now as well!
Like Durham, I'm pleasantly surprised at how accessible the LGBTQ history is here in Pittsburgh. I wonder if part of this has to do with both cities having big universities (Duke and Carnegie Mellon, respectively). For what better thing to research than your own LGBTQ history? The fascinating thing about Pittsburgh's Queer history is how deeply tied it is to what was happening to the city itself at the time. This history segment will look a little different as it’s condensed from this incredible website put together by Silas Maxwell Switzer
65-69: In the mid to late 60s, Pittsburgh was undergoing a massive shift to rebrand itself away from being The Smokey City. Entire neighborhoods were demolished and rebuilt, and so the underground Queer community thrived during this time simply because there was so much else going on.
70-74: In the early 70s, the entire city was destabilized economically due to the 1973 oil crisis, which lowered the demand for steel. This, combined with the national wake of Stonewall, encouraged the Queer community of Pittsburgh to begin to be more visible and vocal, evidenced by their first pride parade in 1973.
75-79: As the demand for steel continued to fall, nothing seemed to last in Pittsburgh. Gay bars were no exception, and many opened and closed within a few short years. But there were some, like The Gallery, Pegasus, and the Holiday Bar, that remained strong through all this economic uncertainty. The late 70s also saw churches open their arms to the LGBT community as the type and number of spaces that were accepting of LGBT folk began to grow.
80-84: Pittsburgh saw its first AIDS case in 1983, and like most of the country, the 80s revolved around the epidemic. In spite of the violence and tragedy, the Queer community grew closer together, and more gay businesses began to sprout up. Because gay people were less welcomed in many spaces, they had to make their own, such as bookstores, hotels, and restaurants.
85-89: The late 80s continued the same trends seen in the first half of the decade. As AIDS continued to run rampant, the Queer community grew tighter and tighter, having to fend for themselves since no one else would. And while more LGBT businesses opened and thrived during this time, few of them made it through the 90s. But now, there are a fair amount of LGBT bars and spaces in Pittsburgh, and hopefully, the people who worked so hard to fight for our rights would be happy with what it's become.
On Christmas Eve, I watched Saltburn, directed by Emerald Fennell and starring Jacob Elordi, Barry Keoghan, and Rosamund Pike. The movie has taken the internet by storm, partly due to the charisma of Jacob Elordi, the oozing style of the film, and its downright shocking scenes. You can simply say "t-b, gr--e, b---d," and people would know exactly what you're talking about (letter omitted to keep this spoiler-free). The plot revolves around the friendship/romance of impoverished Keoghan and massively wealthy Elordi as the two spend a summer at Elordi's summer mansion of Saltburn. The two of them grow closer, and with an incredible supporting cast, they bask in the vibrant, saturated summer days that ooze class, wealth, and luxury in a way I haven't seen since Succession.
What I think the film does really well is explore the way in which sexuality sort of disappears or becomes immensely fluid when large amounts of wealth and power get involved. There is a level of carefree frivolity in the film that is only accessible through immense wealth. And with that frivolity comes the most fluid of sexualities. When you're rolling on ecstasy in your mansion, pleasure is pleasure, and all bodies become open and inviting. And even Succession explored the way that wealth and power override the ‘normal’ rules of sex and sensuality. While you watch these people descend into chaos, you leave with so many questions, but at its heart it’s a fascinating exploration of the relationship between two men, whether or not they love each other or were in love with each other or not. And it's joining some other incredible rosters of gay film and TV this season, including Fellow Travelers and All of Us Strangers (which I’ll write about when I can).
Dear gb: Can we unpack the concept of a work spouse, please? Like people who have a sort of flirt going and/or take care of one another in the work world, but for whatever reason aren't actually in a relationship?
Dear friend: This is an interesting situation and a very fascinating type of relationship indeed. I'm not sure entirely what the lens is, but I'm more than happy to 'unpack' these types of relationships. The most common places for people to meet in person are school and work, so it's only natural that we form all sorts of relationships in these places. And more often than not, the connections we make at work are our support system for what happens during the work day. So, we form these intense relationships that are totally focused around one thing, and they can become really intimate. You could go to your work spouse for support, laughs, and help, and those are all really intimate things. They could even know you more than your actual partner in those settings, and all of that is totally normal. Just because you share those things with your work spouse doesn't mean that you need to be in a relationship with them at all. You can just add this new form of relationship to your rolodex of relationship types.
And if you do develop some sort of feelings for your work spouse, there are things that it pays to remember about this particular form of relationship. One is that it doesn't exist within the same parameters as a 'real world' relationship. What brings you together at work might not necessarily translate into real-world things. When we form relationships or crushes in these types of situations, they become really focused. You become focused on one frame of the person (who they are at work) but you don’t actually know the ins and outs of their life outside of the workplace. Also, crushes help us learn so much about ourselves, as told here in The School of Life's Relationships, which I'll leave you with!
"We should enjoy our crushes. A crush teaches us about qualities we admire and need to have more of in our lives. [A] person on the train really does have an extremely beguiling air of self-deprecation in their eyes. The person glimpsed by the fresh fruit counter really does promise to be a gentle and excellent parent. But these characters will, just as importantly, also be sure to ruin our lives in key ways, as all those we love will.
With this truth accepted, we can look for ways to accommodate ourselves as gently and as kindly as we can to the awkward realities of life beside another fallen creature. A mature understanding of the madness of crushes turns out to be a wise backdrop to the tensions of long-term love."
And that, my friends, is all for the week! I hope you have a lovely few days, and I will be writing to you from Kansas City next!
Such a lovely pertinent soliloquy on “crushes”. Thank you for the inclusion.