Wrapped Up in the Iowa Archives
And how big is too big for an age difference?
Happy Saturday, everyone! I'm back with a regular edition for ya, and it feels like it's been so long since I've written one! But we're back and better than ever with a new nonprofit, some gay purges, beautiful portraits, Spotify Wrapped, and age differences in relationships! So, let's dive in!
This city's nonprofit is not actually in Des Moines but about two hours east in Iowa City. The LGBTQ Iowa Archives & Library is situated in one room of a modest mansion near the University of Iowa. They are dedicated to collecting and preserving Queer Iowan History past, present, and future. Their room has been converted into an LGBTQ+ library with over 2,000 books and counting. They host weekly Queer Threads events (a community and crafts night), biweekly trans support groups, and a biweekly group for Queer elders. They collect and catalog any Queer Iowan archival materials (digital and physical) and make them publicly available for research (you can submit them at archives@lgbtqiowa.org). And what I really love is that they encourage folks to send in things that they're currently doing to help better document current queer history. And this is so wildly important because so much of Queer history has been forced to be hidden.
They have a small leadership board of only six people, but they are mighty. In addition to their regular events, they also host bigger community events like their Big Queer Dating Show and their upcoming 2 Big 2 Queer 2 Come Out Night. That event will bring together local bands, burlesque performers, and others for a night of Queer festivities. Zachary, their event coordinator who organizes those events, came to Des Moines to have coffee with me and some of the cast at the Slow Down Coffee Company, which was so lovely. That coffee shop is also extremely dedicated to building community within Iowa, especially Queer community, and they were so gracious to host us!
The archives accept donations through many platforms, but I think Venmo is definitely the easiest. Their handle is @LGBTQIowa, and I'll put a button below. Your donations will go directly to maintaining the space, paying rent, and helping them continue to put on incredible events for their community. All the leadership members are volunteers and put in so many hours into keeping the archives afloat. Even just $5 dollars would go a huge way for this incredible organization! Also, please head to my Instagram and share my Reel about them so we can get them as much money as possible!
The Iowan Gay Purges of the 1960s
A lot of this info comes from a recorded talk by David Hays, a local LGBTQ Iowan historian!
Iowa has a complex history with gay people. It was one of the first to adopt marriage equality but also had wildly draconian laws leading up to that. In 1892, the Iowa government defined sodomy as "carnal copulation with any opening of the body besides sexual parts." A man convicted of sodomy could serve up to ten years in prison and could be subjected to sterilization or forced psychiatric help. In addition, Iowa had a no cross-dressing law until 1992; more than two gay people drinking in a bar was against the law, and same-sex couples dancing was against the law as well. Then, in 1955, Iowa passed the Sexual Psychopath Law. This law allowed police to round up anyone they suspected of being gay and put them in a state mental hospital for conversion therapy as a preventative measure for future crimes. This sets the stage for our story.
After a few rounds of these purges, an administrator from the University of Alaska began his tenure at the State College of Iowa in 1964. The State College of Iowa was primarily a school for future teachers. Upon his arrival, he was horrified to hear rumors of a gay underground at his new school and vowed to rid the university of all gay students. He began by sending spies to private parties who would supply him with the names of all the men in attendance: faculty, staff, and students. With those names, he began building lists, and in 1965, the administrator started contacting all the male students on said list. The faculty and staff were immediately fired and purged from the records. Once a student was named, he was pressured into naming more students and leaving school; otherwise, the school would turn him over to the police. And if he was handed over to the police, he'd either be sent to jail or an insane asylum. Most of the staff at the insane asylums were also gay and terrified that they would be discovered and subjected to the same electroshock therapy they had to carry out. Even if a student remained, the school would contact the state and make sure that they didn't get their teaching certificate and they would never allowed to be a teacher.
There are no records of this purge, but at the time, everyone knew about it, and it was widely supported. The Northern Iowan tried to write articles about it but were censored and nothing was allowed to be printed. Then, as soon as that happened, the campus conversation changed from the gay purge to censorship on campus. The purge finally ended in 1967 because one of the men named was a grad student and state senator. He went back to the legislation and told them what was happening, and with that, the purge ended.
But it's not all bad! One of the men caught in the purges, Bob Silvala, tried to escape Iowa but was stopped at the border by police. They investigated him, and in a stroke of luck, they let him go. He and his partner have now been together for 50 years. And, fun fact: the University of Iowa had the first college organization for gay people in the nation.
Yesterday was World AIDS Day, and I wanted to highlight these beautiful pictures by my friend John Lagucki. They document his own feelings about being HIV-positive and how we as a society still perceive AIDS.
Spotify Wrapped, Why Do We Love It?
This past Wednesday, Spotify Wrapped came out! For those who don't know, Spotify Wrapped is when Spotify reveals your listening trends from the past year. My social media feed was flooded with people sharing their top artists and most streamed songs. And personally, I love Wrapped Day. It's a time when I get to see what my friends are listening to and, even better, what my acquaintances are listening to! It provides a beautifully intimate piece of knowledge that usually isn't shared on social media.
But beyond the wonderful ways it brings us together, it is a fascinating study in data tracking, too. We talk so much about how much we value our privacy, and yet here we are, celebrating how much we're being monitored. I've yet to see another way in which people love to know that they're being observed in a similar way. Because that's all Wrapped is really. Spotify is just showing us how much data they keep, but they've made a fun and exciting day out of it.
Since its inception in 2016, many other companies have made their own version of Wrapped, including the Washington Post, Duolingo, Reddit, and Nintendo. And now it's become an even bigger deal than it was last year. Now, it has artists recording specialized thank you videos to their top fans and massive events to launch. Spotify employees even compared Wrapped Day to an election day or Christmas.
But it has changed our listening habits. It's changed mine for sure. If I have to listen to something for an audition, I will download it and listen to it on my phone instead of on Spotify, so it won't show up on my Wrapped. But that's because I want to see what I've listened to over the past year as a fun end-of-year surprise (less for what people will think of me). But it has made music, which was once a very private thing, a personal thing that will eventually be shared. Everyone jokes about the awkward, embarrassing things they've listened to, and seven out of ten people are too embarrassed to post their Wrapped stories at all.
Has Wrapped changed how you listen to music? Do you enjoy seeing others' posts, or would you rather music listening stay private?
Dear gb: Age differences in dating...how many years is too many, and how do you handle that?
Dear friend, I don't think there's anything wrong with an age difference in dating. As always, we'll have our societal prejudices against big age gaps because that's what we're shown, but I say fuck that. With anything like this, I'd advise you to take a deep look into why you're feeling resistance to it. Look into why we are taught that age differences in relationships are bad. I don't know the answer, but I'd posit that it has something to do with our age-phobia and ageism. There seems to be an underlying belief that an age difference is some sort of deviance or power play when it really might not be. If you've found someone who you enjoy spending time with and who you learn from and grow with then why would you not want to continue on a relationship with them?
From a younger to older perspective, you can learn so much from an older relationship. Before Casey, a lot of the men I dated were about ten years older than I was. I gravitated towards their wisdom and life experience that comes with age. I enjoyed being with someone who was a little more settled than someone my own age. Older people tend to have a little bit more of life figured out (not always), and you can use that to learn and grow yourself.
From an older to younger perspective: How fun it must be to be with someone younger. They probably have a bit of an energy that you enjoy being around, and while they may have less life experience and gravitas (maybe), there is something to be said for the pureness and excitement of young love. And maybe they bring out parts of you that you long for; we're told to calm down as we get older, but someone younger may give you the permission and freedom to be silly and goofy!
Finally, if the age difference is very large, the only thing to grapple with is that one of you may die before the other by a wide margin. I know that's a brutal thing to read, but I want to be pragmatic because while that is a deeply saddening and sobering thought, it's not one to run from. One of my favorite bands has a song called "Devastating," and the chorus goes:
“I wanna love you till it's devastating
Until the dirt cries and my grave is waiting
Is it even worth it if there ain't heartbreak waiting
I wanna love you till it's devastating
Til it's devastating
Ring on my finger, tag on my toe
That means we made it”
This song terrifies me and calms me at the same time. Our lives are so fleeting and unpredictable, so if you have found someone who makes you happy and makes you feel good, then I say go for it, grab life by the reins, and stand proud in that age difference.
P.S. Here's the song and you should give it a listen.
That’s all from me! I hope you enjoyed the read and donated, and if you didn’t, go up and do it now!
All my love, Aidan