This Two-Day Escape Literally Changed My Life
Run Away With Me to Chrystie House
Hello friends, and Happy Wednesday!
I am writing to you from the historic Chrystie House up in Beacon, NY where I have absconded for the last few days on a much-needed, self-imposed writing retreat. I’ve got more on this below, but let me just say, if you can, find a way to take a step back and break your routines. This trip has been so eye-opening, and just having the space to be in completely new surroundings, all by myself…it hasn’t been easy, but it’s been vital.
🔴 🍅 Happenings
He’s Off To The Great Closet Under The Ground - Lindsay Graham died, and while I am not one to contribute negativity towards the internet, for all the harm he has done to LGBTQ folk across the United States, I’m not sad he’s gone.
Cruise Controlled - The cruise that I talked about last week, which was turned away from Turkey, has now been turned away from Egypt as well. I asked my friend Ian (who is on it with his husband) to give me an update about what that was like on board. Here’s what he had to say.
“The day we woke up and found out we were also turned away from Egypt was terrible. The vibe on the ship was really abysmal. Was it because we were gay? Was it because of Trump, Iran and anti-American sentiment in general? The government didn’t actually say. But as a collective we just decided that we were better off not being in a place that didn’t want us, and like so many other times in our history we chose to respond by celebrating each other and the moment.”
🟠 🔶 History
Okay, The Chrystie House. About a month ago, I asked my team if somewhere upstate would house me for a few days as I had myself a little writer’s retreat. The list they came back with was lovely, but Chrystie House won out.
Nestled in the wooded outskirts of Beacon, NY, the Chrystie House was built in 1755, moved in 1927, and renovated by its current owners in 2007. On first glance, it’s not the kind of place that I would instinctively choose. I’m a hotel guy, not a Bed and Breakfast guy. In fact, if I’m being honest with you, intimate retreats like this are hard for me and give me a lot of social anxiety. Especially when I was on tour, the anonymity of a hotel felt nice, a seamless check-in, no one bothering me. Hotels are comfort to an insidious degree.
But my stay at the Chrystie House reminded me that the ease and comfort of a hotel chain does nothing for your soul. You don’t miss a hotel chain, but I will miss Chrystie House. I will miss the freshly baked breakfast on the sun-drenched patio. I will miss hearing a piano being played during the afternoon. I will miss the unique, vintage light switches in the bathroom and the incredible baths that I took there.
But most of all, I will miss Lynn, the innkeeper who took such good care of me every step of the way. She brought me extra food because I didn’t have a car, she gave me a book to read that she thought I’d enjoy, and she brought me extra bottles of water when it was hot out. She told me stories of her time at Chrystie House, the stories of the art that her husband painted that adorn the walls, and the history here (Alexander Hamilton wrote an early draft of the Federalist Papers here).
Now, as you may expect, running a historic B&B isn’t a particularly profitable business for them, and they’ve been fighting developers who want to tear down the house and build something cheaper, more modern, with less history and soul. But they keep going because it is their home and because they love the people they get to meet. People like me, young folks from the city, couples from Europe, families from the Midwest.
I write about connection on a weekly basis, but Lynn and the Chrystie House reminded me that connection still pushes me out of my comfort zone, but what lies on the other side are memories I will truly never forget.
If you’re ever passing through Beacon, please stay a night and say Aidan sent you.
🟡 📒 Music
This self-imposed writing retreat had far more walking and soul-searching than writing. Don’t worry, I still did plenty of writing, but I found it was deeply vital for my soul to walk around and see what my heart was trying to tell me.
So, when I wasn’t listening to the beautiful sounds of nature (I mean, is there anything more relaxing than a breeze sweeping through a canopy of leaves?) I was listening to some of my favorite soul-searching songs, and I wanted to share them with you.
What about you? What is your go-to, soul-searching, maybe having a cry song?
🟢 ❇️ Recs
My dear friend Brian J. Smith, who you might know from his standout roles in Sense8, the 2013 Broadway revival of The Glass Menagerie, Treadstone, Class of ‘09, and the upcoming Vought Rising, is making his directorial debut with a film that is so near and dear to my heart.
A House is Not A Disco is a breathtaking documentary about the beauty that is Fire Island (I know we’ve been talking about the island a lot, but I’m sorry, it’s summer!). Brian is one of the most caring, compassionate, and thoughtful humans I’ve ever met, and if you’ve got the time and $9.99, support Queer art and give this beautiful film a watch.
Plus, he has this to say about it, just for Gay Buffet.
“I hope people realize how fragile a place it is - and that it doesn’t just exist by default. They work their asses off - and sometimes they drive each other nuts doing this - just keeping it alive. And it matters so much that they do. Because can you imagine, or do you even want to imagine, a world without Fire Island Pines?”
🔵 🌀 Community Spotlight
Y’all! I thought that I was going to have to pad this with my own profile, but we’ve had three brave souls to kick us off, and I am so happy! So, today let’s meet Patrick!
From: NYC
Who: Hello! My name is Patrick (he/him). I work at the New York Botanical Garden (up in the Bronx!); I used to be a performer before I completely stumbled into this job…Now I manage operations for all temporary and permanent exhibitions here at NYBG. I love to go out and dance, play board games with my friends, cook dinner with my husband, AND spend time in the glorious outdoors. My favorite part about my job is sharing the garden with folks visiting NYC or who have lived here for years and never visited. NYC is full of incredible green spaces- we may be an urban jungle, but it’s a myth that there is no natural beauty in our city, and the outdoors are for EVERYONE!
If you would like to be featured (and I would love for you to be), below is a form where you can upload a bit about yourself, a little bio, maybe some of your work, anything that you want people to get to know you better! What do you say? Will you help me build some community?
🟣 👾 Advice
Hey Aidan: I’ve been watching some of your podcasts and wanted to ask your advice. I’m a gay man in my 60s and in a very happy 25-year relationship. I love my husband very much, but I feel like my clock is ticking, and I want to be more adventurous sexually. We have a monogamous relationship, although I have cheated a few times. I’d like to open our relationship to try new things that he doesn’t want to explore. I’m at a total loss of how to even start a conversation about it because I don’t want to hurt him. We can talk about most things freely, but this is a bridge too far for me. Any advice?
Hi friend, first of all, thank you for your honesty and bravery in sharing this. Your question brings up a lot of really complex nuances around sexuality, monogamy, and aging. I think most people deal with this question at many points in their lives, but you have a sense of urgency that many people I want to talk to don’t.
I actually think this is your strength. With many couples, they open because they don’t want to limit the experiences they could have through the course of their lives. This can lead to wanting to pursue other paths and forge different lives. You have the added benefit of wisdom that comes with time. It’s understandable that there are things you still want to try that you can’t get from your husband, not because he isn’t enough, but simply because he cannot be everything. A man cannot change his height, or dick size, or position, or race, or sexual energy, and it is okay to be curious about those.
In regard to bringing it up, I wrote a piece called “So, You want to open Up” that outlines best practices for initiating the conversation. But what I’d really hammer home here is that sex with other people can truly bring you closer to your husband, and as you journey through this next chapter together, you can use openness to explore new sides of your intimacy that you couldn’t through monogamy! You’ve got this, and best of luck!
-Aidan
Reader, if you have your own situation that you’d like advice on, submit below! This is only fun for me when I have y’all’s excellent questions♥️
Alrighty folks, well that is all from me this week. I hope you go and take a break to find some nature this week. Try and disrupt your routine and see what things it shakes up. I’ll talk to you on Friday when we get into all things poppers!
I love Brian Smith!
Aidan, this nice gay mix of stuff. I like a newsletter with variety, recommendations and joyful discovery. Thanks for expanding my view ;) David