Aloha Aidan--Your grandfather, my mentor for the past 10 years has turned me on to your column. I'm a gay man, 78, living on the island of Hawaii, moved here from from New York in 2013, and living with my partner of 28 years. I was previously married for 26 years (saw myself as a bi-sexual) and have two children. Now with the stats out of the way, let me say I enjoyed reading your latest piece for many reasons: 1) reflected on how you are here to support other gay men navigate their lives; 2) how a dialogue between gay elders and gay youth could be helpful; 3) appreciated how well you write. Your piece brought up many other thoughts, but I just first wanted to connect and make an introduction. A hui hou, Robert
Hi Robert! Thank you so much for writing and connecting! I love that Jack connected you to my writing; he is such a special man. And thank you so much for your kind words about my piece. I've found so much incredible intergenerational community here on Substack and I think those relationships must be nurtured because we can learn so much from one another. Looking forward to see how we continue to connect and thank you so much again for reaching out!
I'm new to engaging with others on Substack, but I would like to see what comes with this. Can you explain "Also share to Notes" signifies? Be back shortly. Thanks.
Queers are here to break the over-structured matrix created by the masculine and feminine. It’s one on of the reasons they fear us so. We are free as you say to create whatever structure we want and we’re free of their Pleasantville life.
Whenever I start feeling behind I think about the career day speech from You me and Dupree that Dupree gaves. I went and found it because I feel it fits with what you’re saying.
“FirstFirst of all, thank you for giving me the opportunity to come talk to you on Career Day. Now, I am not Mr. Carl Peterson and I don't have a career per se. I guess you could say my career is living and loving. And I do that to the utmost... I see all you fresh-faced kidlets sitting there in your neat little rows, and you're all just pods. Pods, waiting for your instructions. Now some of you are going to get zapped right away and be 15-year-old prodigies, little midget Olympic gymnasts with their pictures on cereal boxes. Some of you will go on to college, and you'll find your rhythm there and then go chase down the titans of industry, or maybe straighten out our problems at the UN. But some of you, and this is the group that no one ever comes into Career Day and addresses, and it's criminal! Some of you are just going to float along, eating spicy foods, humming black people's music into your 30s, well into your 30s, languishing. This group of pods is going to do a lot of languishing. And you're going to take some heat for it. Sadly, you will. Europe's a little easier. They seem to understand a little better. So does South America. I went to Argentina one time and everyone just seemed to be sitting around. It was beautiful. But that's okay. Stay loose. Stay liquid. Laugh a lot. But be ready. That's what Dupree's doing with his life's little pod. Staying nimble till I get the call from the mother ship. My raison d'état. Then I'd fight. Then you'll see Dupree coming in here throwing seven different kinds of smoke!”
Mac at it again with the great insight! I love that phrase over structured matrix because that’s exactly what it feels like. And I’m so caught between it and the fluid, lovely nonmatrix of the life I’m living right now ❤️
I feel like it’s more like understanding how to balance them both. Playing our part to go unnoticed but those within the matrix and not ready for us while being our bright shiny authentic self at every opportunity.
Love this — and your Harvey Milk anecdote. I always think of George Eliot (who some people think of as trans). Didn’t write her first novel until she was 40, and now she’s thought of as one of the best novelists who ever lived.
"there is no timeline for each of us. We get to make it up and go along... and just fucking own it"
LOOOVE THIS! yup, and you are a spring chicken compared to me (ahem, somewhere up there in the over 60 crowd) but I have been "making it up" since my teens. Shift, shift again, shift a few dozen more times -- hell, why not go for it, no regrets! Add in being gay (which I am not) and what a wild ride you're up for. That takes real courage. Too many closeted people (heard of, knew a few) didn't live happy, open, free lives in the 50/60s, even 70/80/90s. And I hope we're not heading back to that. Hate to think we'll lose all the progress...
Aloha Aidan--Your grandfather, my mentor for the past 10 years has turned me on to your column. I'm a gay man, 78, living on the island of Hawaii, moved here from from New York in 2013, and living with my partner of 28 years. I was previously married for 26 years (saw myself as a bi-sexual) and have two children. Now with the stats out of the way, let me say I enjoyed reading your latest piece for many reasons: 1) reflected on how you are here to support other gay men navigate their lives; 2) how a dialogue between gay elders and gay youth could be helpful; 3) appreciated how well you write. Your piece brought up many other thoughts, but I just first wanted to connect and make an introduction. A hui hou, Robert
Hi Robert! Thank you so much for writing and connecting! I love that Jack connected you to my writing; he is such a special man. And thank you so much for your kind words about my piece. I've found so much incredible intergenerational community here on Substack and I think those relationships must be nurtured because we can learn so much from one another. Looking forward to see how we continue to connect and thank you so much again for reaching out!
I'm new to engaging with others on Substack, but I would like to see what comes with this. Can you explain "Also share to Notes" signifies? Be back shortly. Thanks.
Thank you! This will stick with me!
You’re welcome! I’m glad it resonated! ❤️
Loved this , Thank you
I’m glad you liked it. ❤️
AMEN to this!!!
Queers are here to break the over-structured matrix created by the masculine and feminine. It’s one on of the reasons they fear us so. We are free as you say to create whatever structure we want and we’re free of their Pleasantville life.
Whenever I start feeling behind I think about the career day speech from You me and Dupree that Dupree gaves. I went and found it because I feel it fits with what you’re saying.
“FirstFirst of all, thank you for giving me the opportunity to come talk to you on Career Day. Now, I am not Mr. Carl Peterson and I don't have a career per se. I guess you could say my career is living and loving. And I do that to the utmost... I see all you fresh-faced kidlets sitting there in your neat little rows, and you're all just pods. Pods, waiting for your instructions. Now some of you are going to get zapped right away and be 15-year-old prodigies, little midget Olympic gymnasts with their pictures on cereal boxes. Some of you will go on to college, and you'll find your rhythm there and then go chase down the titans of industry, or maybe straighten out our problems at the UN. But some of you, and this is the group that no one ever comes into Career Day and addresses, and it's criminal! Some of you are just going to float along, eating spicy foods, humming black people's music into your 30s, well into your 30s, languishing. This group of pods is going to do a lot of languishing. And you're going to take some heat for it. Sadly, you will. Europe's a little easier. They seem to understand a little better. So does South America. I went to Argentina one time and everyone just seemed to be sitting around. It was beautiful. But that's okay. Stay loose. Stay liquid. Laugh a lot. But be ready. That's what Dupree's doing with his life's little pod. Staying nimble till I get the call from the mother ship. My raison d'état. Then I'd fight. Then you'll see Dupree coming in here throwing seven different kinds of smoke!”
Mac at it again with the great insight! I love that phrase over structured matrix because that’s exactly what it feels like. And I’m so caught between it and the fluid, lovely nonmatrix of the life I’m living right now ❤️
I feel like it’s more like understanding how to balance them both. Playing our part to go unnoticed but those within the matrix and not ready for us while being our bright shiny authentic self at every opportunity.
Love this — and your Harvey Milk anecdote. I always think of George Eliot (who some people think of as trans). Didn’t write her first novel until she was 40, and now she’s thought of as one of the best novelists who ever lived.
"there is no timeline for each of us. We get to make it up and go along... and just fucking own it"
LOOOVE THIS! yup, and you are a spring chicken compared to me (ahem, somewhere up there in the over 60 crowd) but I have been "making it up" since my teens. Shift, shift again, shift a few dozen more times -- hell, why not go for it, no regrets! Add in being gay (which I am not) and what a wild ride you're up for. That takes real courage. Too many closeted people (heard of, knew a few) didn't live happy, open, free lives in the 50/60s, even 70/80/90s. And I hope we're not heading back to that. Hate to think we'll lose all the progress...
This is honestly so comforting to hear ❤️ it definitely takes some of the pressure off. So thank you for sharing your words with me ❤️